[backed up.]

i havent had sex in 3 months!!! G____ is actin the fuck up and im bout ready to find me a new d!ck..however as easy as that sounds im very picky when it comes to who i lay with..i dont have a long ass list like Chilli but he has to be fine as hell, educated, with his own place, have good hygiene and a car wouldnt hurt either..i mean if he dont have his own place where the hell are we gonna go to have sex? i still live with my parents and someone is always here! plus i think fuckin in my parents house is just downright disrespectful... even tho im borderline crazy, i do have respect. anyway i dont know what im going to do i think i need to take my ass to the nearest sex shop and re up on a new bullet and vibrator... ladies do u have any sex toy suggestions??.. they would be greatly appreciated lol




its been a few years since my last psychotic episode.. yay me
* does the running man in place *
i must say i am very happy about that..
i havent had sex in about a month and i swear if i dont orgasm in the next three days from something other than my fingers im gonna scream for cryin out loud ! why is it so hard for me to get sum good d without the hassle? G___ is actin up again. he text me the other day talkin about he miss me - nicga please if u missed me u woulda called me muhfucka - fuck outa hea! i just might give in tho and call him soon. well other than my gspot being unstimulated i dont have much to complain about.
*starts singing* "lifes good, im great clap ya hands one time if u relate" *clap clap* so which one of yall went to church today? its palm sunday and believe it or not i dont only go to church when easter and christmas comes around... if thas what u do then hey do u! #iwontjudge im just sayin i go to church very often and i wouldnt be surprised if that comes across as a shock to some of u, with the way i cuss...but God know mah heart.
anyway -- im off to go do nuthing imparticular just wanted to let u guys know im alive..




its a dildo for your face!
bwahahahhaha! ...genius!!!


[random survey..i was b0red..]

A - AVAILABLE: maybe B - BIRTHDAY: nov 25th/ C - CRUSHING ON: trey songz, & G____. D - DRINK YOU LAST HAD: coke. E - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO : my bff F___ F - FAVORITE SONG : i have a few. rite now its gyptian : hold you ((bap bap!!)) G - GUMMY BEARS OR GUMMY WORMS: both gummy bears and worms.. the sour kind. H - HOMETOWN: newyork all dayy babyy lol!!. I - IN LOVE WITH: GOD & money$$$ J - JUGGLE: can't. K - KILLED SOMEONE: not yet lol L - LONGEST CAR RIDE : about 6-7 hrs i think. ..M- MILKSHAKE FLAVOR: vanilla. N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: one younger brother, 21 O - ONE WISH: to have 3 more wishes ;) P - PERSON YOU TALKED TO LAST: my brother R - REASON TO SMILE: an unexpected check in the mail :) S - SONG YOU LAST HEARD: sex therapy - robin thicke T - TIME YOU WOKE UP: today; 2pm...i missed church and all :/ U - UNDERWEAR COLOR: red W - WORST HABIT:procrastinating, excessive shopping and sumtimes i eat too fast... lmaO X - X-RAYS YOU’VE HAD: does a sonogram count? and no im not pregnant :/ Y - YOYOS: are fun!!Z - ZODIAC SIGN: sag of course we're the bestest! =) [your turn]



he looked into my eyes longingly as he stroked my clit, i dont know what it is but its sumthing about having that part of my body stimulated that just turns me the fuck on...

stroke after stroke sent rushes of pleasure thru my body, "lay back and relax, i want you to enjoy this", he said. i was in awe of him and the fact that he could make me feel so good with just his fingers...

"that feels good, dont stop..." i said

for some reason i felt as though he could now see the real me, and i felt vulnerable i tried closing my eyes so i could fully enjoy the experience but he kept watching me
(not in a creepy way but in an adoring/sexy kind of way...)

"grab my dick" he said in a demanding seductive tone, i reached for it and began to jerk him off slowly gradually picking up the pace.

stroke the clit.
stroke the dick.
stroke the clit.
stroke the dick.
stroke the clit...

it felt soo damn good.

"you know what would make me feel even better right now?"


i said, acting as if i didnt already know what he was hinting towards, however i wanted him to say it, say those words that made my pussy even wetter...

"i want u to suck my dick"

and i gladly did but not before i hiked my ass up in the air and practically sat on his face with my head facing down wards towards his penis.

his dick was hard and very much at attention , he hungrily devoured my clit in between his lips and i did the same with his dick slowly licking the tip first to get it moist and then devouring his dick whole.

deep throating right down to his balls ,

(sex tip#101: when deepthroating always breathe thru ur nose and come up for air if u feel ur self about to gag.)

i felt like i was about to come after about ten long minutes of him licking and sucking on my clit...

but right before i was about to come he said,

"i wanna fuck"

[God , just the sound of his voice gets me moist]

so i hopped off his face and got onto my knees on the bed and poked my ass up in the air, he entered me from behind and
he made my body feel heaven bound...

i dont know if it felt better because he was breaking my 3 week dry spell or if his dick got bigger or maybe he took some stamina pills but the sex was great...

every minute of it. we went at it for about 30 minutes and then round two was even longer...

the curve of his dick was helping him hit spots that i never knew existed then i felt my body trembling and thats when it hit me i was definitely having an orgasm ,

i felt myself about to cry tears of joy but the tears wouldnt fall. he just kept hitting my spot over and over and over and over again, i was in complete extasy right up until i came all over his dick.

an exhausted "damn!" was all we could both say when we were done...
he definitely put in work.

afterwards as we laid in bed and he put his arm around me ,
right then and there everything was just so perfect.

when i woke up it was back to reality.

ah..theres always a next time...and we're both looking forward to it ;)



[lame dick.]

Ladies. How do u tell a nigga that his oh'9 dick is not what's poppin in oh'ten! Lol.
Dis nigga G___ I've known him for years...

(We met in the summer of 2003 I went away to college he got locked up I came back he got out and we hooked up... Yeah bad mistake on my end but ladies u know it aint no dick like aHo0d nigga-just got outta jail dick)

he's a cool dude don't get me wrong, but everytime we get together he gets in it and once it starts feelin g0od he Nutts n I'm left starin at the ceiling like wtf? Did this nigga just bus his nutt BEFORE I got mine! And then got the nerve to ask me "did u come?" w/ such a stupid look on his face. (And of course I'm put in a predicament where I have to lie cause I don't wanna hurt his bitchass feelings)

Lol fellas if yall gotta ask that question ya dick is definitely NOT whas poppin especially not this year, so if u haven't gotten a b0oty call yet from that chic u was fuckin in '09 let's face it february is just round the corner- give up! Cause chances are her new yrs resolution was to NOT fuck with ur lame dick in 2010. Lmaooo. Like Jay said -- I'm 'On to the next one!!!'

[letter to G___.]

You Ungrateful Muthafucka,

U ignore me whenever I call u
U only answer ur texts whenever its convenient for u
without any consideration for me or my feelings.
never compliment me
U never hold me
U never
kiss me
U don't appreciate me - and even if u say u do u don't show it.
I'm So Done With You.

* * * *

*im gonna stop txtin him and stop callin him - I'm finished. I cnt take the abuse no more. Its like he don't care. All we have is sex. That's it. Let's leave it at that and I will call him wen I wnt it not vice versa. I used to consider him a fren but frenz don't treat eachother that way. He treats me like a last resort. Like a last minute booty call. Wen he wnts me to come see him he expects me to drop it all get my muthas car nd drive a hlf hour to c him , I srsly wanna fight him. Thas how bad he pisses me off but hed prolly win. Ugh *rollzeyes* thas another thing he aint evn local. Shyt I go out my way everytime; if nething I'm bein playd. For a fool @ that. Nd he never calls on wknds. We always fuck durin the week. He prolly got sum bytch that he fux n lays up with on the wknd. No wnder he's so tired durin the wk. I'm done. . I'm bout to change my number nd not tell neone. Well just him. I've come to the conclusion that that nicga don't care for me at all , he's content with gettn head from and fuckin me that's it. I'm a pop to him. And that shyt hurts. . I want to mean more to him than sex but thas obviously not gonna happen. Its cool there's plenty other niggas out there I just need to be upfront with them wen I meet them like I'm saving myself for sumone I'm in a committed relationship and in love with. Its time to move on ; new year new tings. G____ is so 09 I need a 2010nigga. Lol seriously. I'm moving along.



"Why the fuck ur dick smell like pussy???"

I hadn't had sex with him in a week. I was no longer on my knees, I stood straight up and
"Whaaaaaaap!" Bitch Slapped him Right across his dumbfounded face.
"I said why the fuck ur dick smell like sum stank ass pussy?!" (Emphasis on 'stank')
I had come to the conclusion that after a week of not giving my man some of this 'wet wet'.
( atleast thas wat his best friend would call it ) I figured I would go down and give him some head only come to find out this soon to be dead fiance of mine had a dick that smelled like a dead fish. I was infuriated. My face and finger were less than two inches away from his face I was fuming mad. all he could do was stand there and hold his once brown - now red cheek.

To my surprise a tear rolled down my face. I thought I stopped caring for K_____ a long time ago. But no... Deep down inside I still had some feelings.

. . .

A few months back I started having a thing for his best friend. And apparently his bf had a thing for me too. We hooked up once and to him it was "amazing". For me - I'd beg to differ. I told his bf that this had to stop between us and he fell back but still gave me the lingering eye every now and then wen K's back was turned. Was it possible that K found out and this was his revenge? No way in hell was I ratting myself out now. TITTG!! I was (takin it to the grave!!)

. . .

Now all I could do was stare at him staring back at me. . . Was that a tear forming in his right eye. I blinked. It was gone. My breathing had been out of control. 20seconds had passed. Still no answer.
"Muthafucka! If u don't answer me in ten seconds u can start packing ur shit and get the fuck outta my apartment!!"
He quickly jumped back and was hesitant to respond. ..
"Uhh uhh. I went to the strip club."
It was 2 in the afternoon.
"Okay! And?! Wat the fuck happened?! u fucked one of them stripper bitches didn't u?!"
"Uhh uhh no - see what. Had. Happened. Was..."
Long pause.
He was now avoiding eye contact.
Shifting his weight from one leg to the other.
Ultimate signs that he often showed when he was either lying or about to lie.
A lady can Always tell when her man is lying.
The best story he could conjure up was that he went to the strip club and ended up getting head from one of the strippers who was desperate to make an extra 50 before her shift was up.
He still had to pack his shit and go.
It was officially over.
I cared for him but not enough to jepordize my dignity or health.
At that moment I heard the voice of my late grandmother in my mind "Once a cheata always a cheata" my west indian "mama" which is wat I called her, died at the age of 83. She died peacefully in her sleep. Her beautiful features were mine from the
hazel eyes right down to the full lips and hips , I even inherited her small waist nd small cute feet. I was my grandmothers grandchild.
And now I was about to be a widow because killing him was what came to mind right after I threw his belongings out the window and into the hallway. Sneakers. Clothes. Belts. Chains. Watches. I no longer wanted anything to do with him.
All he could do was stand there after I let him plead his case I guess he thought id give him props for telling the half assed truth. wrong. And just like that. After 2years that was all it took for him to be gone.
" Baby. Wait. Please. But. Isaidimsorry. "
"You damn right u sorry. You a sorry ass muh-fucka!! I don't wanna have shit to do with u and ur dirty ass dick!! GET OUT!"

I don't know how long it took to convince him that it was best that he leave but after I mentioned his 3strikes and the police being called his bf was right there within minutes like 'mr. captainsaveahoe" to gather the scattered unmentionables from the hallway and other shit off the side of the street.

I was too thru. Would u believe his so called bf tried to hook up with me the next day?!
Ay dios mio !

The story of my life!!!
-to be continued...




He called me Juicy (pronounced, Juice-ayyy emphasis on the 'ay') because I got That aquafina flow or "that good shit" as he wud often put it. He would always fuck me good even when he was too tired. my lips made his dick stand at attention and he loved it , the way I would lick and suck on the head of his dick. He loved every minute of it, I would lick my lips, and slide my mouth up and down his shaft with enuf spit and suction to make his toes curl. He would moan "mmm" and say "baby damnnn" as he looked dwn at me. In between licks I responded "yea baby do u like that??" Without even thinkng he wud say "mmahhyesss" mezmerized by the head game I would give him. He liked it best wen he was laying on his back with me kneeling over him on the bed. He loved gettin head and I loved to please him, he would often reach and grab on my titties or reach down and play with my pussy which wud make me moan and take more of his dick into my mouth. After he played with my pussy he would lick the juices off his fingers. yummy. 69 has always been my favorite position after doggy because of the satisfaction I get from knowing he's getting satisfaction from pleasing me and vice versa. Plus it gave me easier access to his balls nd I loved suckling on his balls not too hard because their way more sensitive than the shaft.

As he ate my pussy until my legs wud quiver I sucked his dick until he came in my mouth and I swallowed it. Usually I know when he's about to cum his breathing gets heavier he starts to suck on my clit even harder grabs my ass a bit tighter nd his legs become more tense and his toes curl up, when all of the above happens I push his dick back further down my throat past my tastebuds so I don't taste his cum and then I just feel the warm liquid oozing dwn my throat,

Finally he releases my clit and let's out an utterance of relief and his body is no longer tensed but now more relaxed. I get up to go wipe off and come back to the bed to lay in his arms. He sweeps my bang out of my face and plants a kiss on my forehead trails down my nose and gives me a full kiss on the lips. We began to kiss passionately and once again his fingers reached for that spot between my legs that always gets me hot. I reach for his dick and tug it slightly in the direction of my pussy. "I want it in me ... Right nowwwww mmmm" while hes playing with my clit he reaches over to the night stand for the gold wrapped latex halo. Safety first. He slides it in and were off to a land of exstasy. Moaning with pleasure I grab the back of his neck as he rolls me onto my back and gets on top of me.

He looks me in my eyes and doesn't say a word instead he grunts with each thrust of passion I watch him watching me and he grins as I make sexyfuckfaces. Biting my lower lip I want to get ontop but wait, not so fast missy, he pins me down to the bed as I try to move. I moan louder with each thrust I watch him as he slides in and out of my wet pussy deeper faster deeper. Damn. That. Shit. Feels. Too. Good. Don't. Stop! He keeps going and going I keep moaning, Finally he flips me over with one hand like DMX did during that intro scene in BELLY damn he wants to fuck me in my ass? No. He enters my wetness from behind , tasting my pussy first. All of a sudden-- wham he slams his dick in. Uhhhhh-ahhhhhhh!!! I scream with pleasure , He covers my mouth so his neighbors won't hear me. " Shhhh baby "he whispers in my ear - I love it when he does that. The excitement of his neighbors possibly hearing makes the sex even better soon I feel myself about to orgasm goosebumps form on my arms then my legs I tense up I feel it its coming uhhhhhhhhmmmmmm damnnnn "baby I'm-about-to..." before I even finish the word "...cummmm" right after the letter 'u' and before the 'm' I felt a gush of my juices running down my leg onto the sheets. "Cum for me baby" he says. Umm too late. By this point I'm drained and I want him to come as well so I can finally go to bed, he thrusting and grunting rubbing against my clit which is overly sensitive , I've reached a point to where I'm all sexd out for the night. Just wen I thought he wasn't gonna finish his strokes become harder faster cum for me baby cum for mami I said. And he did, he ripped the condom off and came.
all. over. my. ass.



its been three years since ive had a psychotic episode.

i must say that thanks to my meds and frequent doctor visits im glad that im okay.

its not easy being bipolar but it aint difficult either.

mood swings . bad days - good days. ups and downs.

id like to think of myself as normal but then again what is normal if no two ppl are the same?

sometimes i think too much and that can be a good thing but most of the time its bad...

cause i over think things to the point where i get a headache...

nevertheless i love my life - however if i could change one thing it would be having to take medication everyday-- its only two small pills but it gets annoying..

anyway im gonna go take a nap now...later my loves...